Stocking stuffers -- Gazette.Net


Thanks to a news source who must remain anonymous in order to speak candidly, I have come into possession of the Christmas wish lists of several prominent Marylanders.

Here’s what these folks want to find under their Christmas trees on Christmas morning:

• Gov. Martin O’Malley: A job starting January, 2015. Job must include free car and driver, free mansion and free overseas travel.

• Lt. Gov. Anthony Brown: An Obamacare website that actually works.

• Attorney General Doug Gansler: An Instagram of Anthony Brown twerking and smoking pot at a Miley Cyrus concert.

• Heather Mizeur: A miracle.

• The Washington Redskins: A new owner.

• The Washington Wizards: A new team.

• The Black Guerilla Family: Their own private jail where they can smuggle in contraband, operate a crime syndicate and have sex with the female guards. Oops, never mind, they already have that.

• Western Maryland: Statehood.

• P.G. County Executive Rushern Baker: The new FBI headquarters.

• Comptroller Peter Franchot: Uncontested primary and general elections.

• D.C. Mayor Vince Gray: A hung jury.

• The Eastern Shore chicken industry: A scientific discovery that chicken manure erases face wrinkles and cures cancer.

• Maryland’s casino industry: A minimum wager law.

• Maryland taxpayers: Repeal of the rain tax.

• Baltimore city: A Fortune 500 corporate headquarters.

• Attorney General candidate Brian Frosh: Voter recognition that his opponent, Jon Cardin, is not U.S. Sen. Ben Cardin.

• Terps football coach Randy Edsall: A Military Bowl victory.

• Terps basketball coach Mark Turgeon: A point guard.

• The Baltimore Ravens: A repeat.

• The Baltimore Orioles: A weaker division.

• Candidate Phil Andrews: The Washington Post endorsement.

• Doug Duncan: Structural collapse of the Silver Spring Transit Center.

• The tea party: A balanced budget.

• The Mainstream Media: Balanced reporting.

• Federal employees: A government shutdown with back pay.

• Baltimore Mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake: 10,000 new families moving into Baltimore.

• Congressman John Delaney: A home inside his congressional district.

• Councilman Marc Elrich: A council leadership position.

• The National Security Agency: (Does not exist)

• Maryland motorists: $2 a gallon gas.

• Senator Barbara Mikulski: Stilts

• 2014 Maryland elections: Paper ballots.

• Defeated Annapolis mayor Josh Cohen (D): A big job with the O’Malley administration. Never mind, he just got one.

• The Chesapeake Bay: A flush moratorium.

• The Sierra Club: Global cooling.

• Maryland gun dealers: Additional harsh gun control laws.

• Maryland budget’s structural deficit: The winning Mega Millions lottery ticket.

• Montgomery County: Some common sense.

• Senate President Mike Miller: Internet gambling.

• Ron George, Charles Lollar and Larry Hogan: Running mates.

• The Maryland General Assembly: Voter amnesia.

• Loyal Gazette readers: A joyful Christmas and prosperous New Year.

Blair Lee is chairman of the board of Lee Development Group in Silver Spring and a regular commentator for WBAL radio.

His column appears Fridays in the Business Gazette. His past columns are available at His email address is