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A lifetime of love
Friday, Feb. 13, 2009
 Click here to enlarge this photo Staff photo by DARWIN WEIGEL
Theresa and Warren Adams of Dunkirk credit the success of their 68 years of marriage to believing and trusting in each other.
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Some couples celebrate Valentine's Day with bouquets of flowers, boxes of candy and a special dinner at a fancy restaurant.
But for couples who have been married for three decades or more, the holiday is also a time to reflect on the good and challenging things that have happened through the years.
Enduring love to these couples means more than a gift and a night on the town. It symbolizes strength, patience, faith and a lifelong commitment to the person to whom they said "I do" decades ago.
‘Show love and do everything together'
Mary and Lawrence Yates have been married 44 years and the Bel Alton couple said that constantly showing their love for one another, doing everything together and always communicating during both good times and bad have kept the marriage strong.
"I'm not saying that we did a 100 percent job, but I do think that we did an excellent job," Mary Yates said. "The secret is God, my husband and I, and our children. We're a very close-knit family."
"We show our love and we do everything together," Lawrence Yates said. "We go to the store together, we rake leaves together and we cut grass together. Couples should do as much as they can together and don't go out without your partner because there's too much temptation out there."
The Yateses married on Christmas Day in 1964.
"I used to tell her that she was so pretty that I didn't want anyone else to have her," Lawrence said, smiling.
"He spoils me," his wife said. "He fixes breakfast, lunch and sometimes dinner for me. If not, he takes me out to dinner."
Yates said that young couples need to spend time with their kids, particularly fathers. The couple has five children, nine grandchildren and two great-grandchildren.
"I stuck with my kids," he said. "I bathed them and told them stories. We would laugh and joke together. That's why they love me so much."
The couple said that they will spend Valentine's Day pretty much as they have throughout the 44 years that they have been together.
"The majority of the time we celebrate with our kids," Mary said. "We'll have dinner here or we'll all go out to dinner."
She said that she is certain the marriage will last until death do them part.
"This marriage will continue to be a success," she said. "I just hope that God is willing to keep us together. It's been good. We've had our ups and downs, but we always communicate and we come around."
‘Tell each other please, thank you and I love you'
Jane and Al Bush of California credit their 59 years of marriage to a strong faith in God and a deep love and respect for each other.
Jane Bush, 79, said that she met her husband while working as a hostess at a YMCA in Tennessee. The couple married Nov. 23, 1949, and shares three children, six grandchildren and eight great-grandchildren.
Al Bush, 80, retired after serving as an officer in the U.S. Navy. Those military years were difficult because of the separations, his wife said. The time apart made the marriage stronger, she said, adding that she kept everything going while her husband was away.
"I stayed home and took care of the kids," she said. "We always had a roof over our heads and food on the table. With him being in the military, there was an adjustment that had to be made. He was gone several months at a time. That was hard.
"I tell young wives today that he would go and it would be a sort of vacation for the children and me," she added, laughing. "When he came home I would turn the household back over to him. It was quite an adjustment. We also got a chance to get to know one another again and that was fun."
The couple offers a recipe for a happy and long marriage.
"I tell everybody that there are several things that make a happy marriage," Jane said. "You need to always tell each other ‘please,' ‘thank you,' ‘I love you' and ‘I'm sorry.' If you remember to say all of those things at the appropriate times, it's a big help."
"The very first thing in the morning when we get up we hug each other and say, I love you,'" her husband said. "Couples need to remember that marriage isn't always a 50/50 thing. It's 60/40 because somebody has got to give in at some point. You can't always have your own way. You've got to communicate with each other. That's the secret."
Faith has provided some of the glue that has kept the couple together, as well, Al said.
"We've got a very strong religious faith," he said. "That keeps me feeling that I've got to do my best for us because that's what my faith expects me to do. I respect her and she respects me. That's done wonders to get us through things."
The couple share a lot of hobbies, including working puzzles, gardening, using the computer, volunteering at their church and other local organizations and sometimes just simply sitting together on their large screened porch.
They celebrate Valentine's Day with cards and candy, Jane said.
"Sometimes the cards are very similar," she said, laughing. "We've been together for so long that we almost answer each other's questions."
"We hold hands all of the time. We cuddle all of the time," her husband said. "That's just what we do and our love over the years has just gotten stronger and stronger."
‘Believe and trust each other'
Theresa and Warren Adams said that their 68-year marriage has remained strong over the years because of a simple belief and trust in each other.
The Dunkirk couple married in October 1940 in Washington, D.C., and soon Warren was shipped off to serve with the U.S. Army in World War II.
The couple met when Warren attended Lackey High School in Indian Head and Theresa was a student at Sacred Heart School in La Plata. They lived in Charles County until 10 years ago when they moved to Calvert.
The couple has six children, 17 grandchildren and 12 great-grandchildren.
Being young and in love during wartime was not easy, but the couple endured the hard times because of their strong commitment to each other, Theresa, 87, said.
"The worst part of our marriage was when we were separated during World War II," she said. "It was hard because he wasn't there. I had to make all of the decisions back then."
"Our marriage has lasted because we believe in each other and trust each other," Warren, 90, said. "We spend all of our time together."
The couple said that in recent years they really don't celebrate Valentine's Day like they used to when they were younger. Back in the early days of their marriage, they would exchange cards and Warren would give Theresa a box of candy.
"Valentine's Day is just like every other day. We don't do a whole lot," Theresa said. "It's usually a quiet day."
"I would do something simple like give her a box of candy," her husband said. "The main thing is we believe in each other. That's about it."
‘A lot of hard work, give and take and humor'
It is obvious what the secret ingredient is that has kept Mary Louise and Theodore Webb's 60-year marriage strong — a great sense of humor.
When asked how long the couple has been married, Mary Louise quipped, "Too long," followed by a laugh.
The Bryantown couple married in October 1948, and has two children, five grandchildren and seven great-grandchildren. They have known each other most of their lives, and that closeness is evident when they speak about how they have weathered the storms over the years.
"The secret to marriage is a lot of hard work, give and take and humor. I tell my husband that I'm still serving time," said Mary Louise, 84, with a laugh. "You've got to realize that you don't have control over each other. Things are going to get rough once in awhile; there's going to be ups and down, but for the sake of your marriage you've got to work things out and stay together."
"When we first got married I was pretty wild," her husband, 82, said. "My friends said that I had no business messing up Mary Louise's life. But, once I got in the groove and we got used to each other, everything worked out."
Financial stability helps a marriage stay strong, too, Mary Louise said.
"You need financial stability so that you can carry on and make it," she said. "Finances play a great part in marriage. You've got to set goals and work toward them. Everything isn't going to be rosy."
Communicating all of the time and keeping anger in check are also important ingredients to a long marriage, Theodore said.
"You find out that the grass isn't always greener on the other side of the street," he said. "Everybody goes through bad times, and when you reach a boiling point, you need to hold that tiger that dwells within you at bay and you'll make it. We're comfortable now. We have little spats, but they don't last but five or 10 minutes."
"The biggest thing is to be able to sit and listen to your spouse," Mary Louise said. "You need to stop and listen. Communication plays a big role in marriage. That's how problems are solved."
The couple said that Valentine's Day is always celebrated in their house.
"Once in awhile we go out and eat and there's always a box of candy on the table," Mary Louise said.
"We embrace each other and say ‘Happy Valentine's Day,'" her husband said. "After you've been married for 60 years what can you do that hasn't been done? But, Valentine's Day is a day of love, and I like to express it."
‘Talk everything over and work as a team'
Marian and Skeets Richardson said that they were teenagers when they met, and in their 66 years of marriage they always hearken back to those days when they were young and first in love.
The Golden Beach couple was married in October 1942. Marian and Skeets have three children, five grandchildren and five great-grandchildren.
The secret to a happy marriage involves a lot of communication and working things out as a couple without interference from other relatives or friends, said Marian, 83.
"You've got to talk everything over and love each other even when times are hard," she said. "It hasn't all been a bed of roses, but we always worked our problems out."
If there was a problem in the house, that's where it stayed, she said.
"My mother never knew my problems," she said. "She lived right next door, but I never talked to her about my problems. That helped a lot."
"We work together," said Skeets, 86. "If one objects to something, we sit down and talk it over. We work as a team."
It took five years before the couple finally said "I do."
"We were very young when we met; she was 12 and I was 14," he said. "From that day on my main objective was to conquer that little gal — and I did."
Marian said that a couple must live within the household's budget.
"Young people are so spoiled," she said. "They want everything big and all at once. You've got to live within your means and don't head for the lawyer's office right away if you're having problems — especially if there are children involved."
The couple always celebrates Valentine's Day, Marian said.
"He gives me a box of candy and I give him a gift," she said. "Most of the time we go out to dinner."
‘Put each other first'
Pat and Weldon Wood said that their 44-year marriage has been a pretty smooth ride.
The La Plata couple met on a blind date at a dance and married in December 1964. The Woods have two children and two grandchildren.
A strong faith in God and always thinking of the other person's feelings are the basis of a good marriage, Pat, 73, said.
"You've always got to put each other first," she said. "If you do that you both win.
"Our faith comes into it, too," she said. "My husband and I both are very strong in our faith. If you have faith it can pull you through a lot of problems."
"If you think enough of one another you can work your way through anything," Weldon, 74, said. "We enjoy doing some things together and sharing. That's the key thing."
The couple's shared hobbies including fishing, hunting and traveling, Pat said.
"We do anything as long as we're together," she said. "That's the secret."
The couple celebrates Valentine's Day every day of the year, Pat said.
"I love him a little more each day," she said. "It's been a good ride."
Sources: www.pictureframes.co.uk and www.history.com.
Where did it come from?
There are many theories about the origin of Valentine's Day. Some experts believe that it originated from St. Valentine, a Roman who refused to give up Christianity. He died on Feb. 14, 269, the same day that had been devoted to love lotteries. The legend says that St. Valentine left a farewell note to the jailer's daughter, who had become his friend, and signed it "From Your Valentine." Another version of the legend says that St. Valentine served as a priest at a temple during the reign of Emperor Claudius. The emperor had St. Valentine jailed for defiance. Consequently, Pope Gelasius set aside Feb. 14 to honor him. In the United States, Esther Howland is believed to have sent the first Valentine card. Commercial valentines were introduced in the 1800s and today the holiday is one of the top sales days for flowers, candy and other trinkets that men and women buy for each other to show their love. Hundreds of years ago in England children dressed up as adults on the holiday. They went house to house singing "Good morning to you, Valentine, Curl your locks as I do mine, Two before and three behind, Good morning to you, Valentine." In Wales people used to carve wooden spoons to give as Valentine's Day gifts. In the middle ages people used to draw names from a bowl to see who their Valentine would be. Young men gave a gift of clothing to their sweethearts as a proposal of marriage.
