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Thousands of miles, thousands of smiles
Ethiopian girls find homes with their American families
Friday, June 12, 2009
 Click here to enlarge this photo Staff photos by EMILY BARNES
Marin Cushen, 5, left, Erika Maynard, 5, and Emebet Donnelly, 4, were orphans in Ethiopia before getting adopted by three Charles County families.
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The Cushen house in Port Tobacco is a hive of activity.
Kids are everywhere, doing, it seems, everything;; 12 altogether, and only six call the place home.
Reece Cushen, 13, scoops up Tofu, a hyperactive Jack Russell terrier. Martha, the golden retriever, looks, at first glance, to be a blonde area rug, flung in front of the quiet fireplace.
Finlay, 14, exits the chair in front of the home office's computer, only for it to be immediately occupied by her brother, Seamus, 10, who starts in on video games.
In the den, Rory Cushen, 8, joined by his friends, Pat and Joey Donnelly, 12 and 10, respectively, watch television and upstairs all hell is breaking loose.
The two youngest Cushen kids — Marin and Kieran, both 5, along with the two youngest of Kathi Donnelly's children — Kevin, 6, and Emebet, 4, — are slamming doors, thudding and thumping, screeching and howling, laughing and barking orders.
When surfer boy-blond Kieran, 5, runs into the living room where his mother Kristin sits with Donnelly, he is soon pursued by his sister, Marin, and her friend, Emebet.
Both brown-skinned beauties, the girls are dressed near identically in that way bestest friends of their age sometimes are — both barefoot, wearing cut-off jean shorts and pink T-shirts.
Cushen introduces her son, Kieran, and the girl with the daisy in her hair and an image of Bambi on her shirt.
"These are my twins," she said. "But you can tell them apart … one is a boy and one is a girl."
Marin, 5, joined the family on March 15, 2008, when Kristin and her Irish-born husband, David, adopted her from an Ethiopian orphanage.
A few months later, the Cushens' friends Shaun and Kathi Donnelly would adopt Emebet from Ethiopia.
Emebet, 4, joined a family of three older brothers, which, given her tomboyishness and her take-charge personality, was serendipitous.
The first child born to her birth parents, Emebet's name means "regal first lady" and Donnelly said she lives up to the name. The couple thought about changing but decided against it. "It's the perfect name for her," her mother said.
Emebet was put up for adoption after her father died. Her birth mother told Donnelly that her wish for Emebet was, "for her to be a strong Ethiopian girl and to be educated." The girl has changed the dynamics of the Pomfret-based family.
"There is this whole new layer to the kids," Donnelly said. "It was all boys and now there's a girl … it raised [the boys'] empathy."
Marin was the ninth and last child born to her birth parents. When she was a few months old, her mother contracted malaria, eventually dying of the disease. Her father couldn't raise the baby, sending her to an orphanage where she would be cared for.
When the Cushens came to the village, they visited Marin's birth father who told them of his wife, "the love of his life," Kristin Cushen remembers learning via a translator.
The couple showed Marin's birth father photos of their home, their kids and the activities they were involved in, including a picture of Finlay on a horse. The birth father got very excited.
In Ethiopia, where families survive on a dollar a day and walk miles for water, to own an animal connotes wealth.
"Marin wasn't born in an orphanage, she was part of a family," Cushen said. "Her [birth] father wanted her to be in a family again."
The girls and their siblings attend Archbishop Neale School.
In prekindergarten, Marin and Emebet are joined by another adopted Ethiopian girl, Erika Maynard, who is the daughter of Linda and Gary Maynard.
All three girls picked up English quickly.
Some of Marin's words still have an Ethiopian accent. She calls her homeland, "Eat-TEE-oo-pea-ah" and Emebet, probably because of wrestling with a new language or perhaps it's a little child's error, calls "jeans" (her favorite article of clothing) "jeams."
"She says, ‘Cushen!' she calls me ‘Cushen'," said Marin's mother, wearing rolled up capris, "Why're your jeams like that? What's wrong with your jeams?"
"Emebet was very sad for the first three, six months," Donnelly recalled. "She was an only child, surrounded by women and nurtured. But she adjusted [to life in America]. She's a feisty one."
Marin was likewise a handful at first. She pushed her boundaries several times and was sent to ‘time out' for it. Soon, she realized she was indeed a member of the family, no special treatment, no different punishment.
She was the little sister Finlay prayed for and the girls soon formed a bond over girly interests. The girls' siblings have adjusted well to a new family member.
"All my birth kids want to go to Ethiopia … but they don't want to get the shots they need," Cushen said. Pat Donnelly wrote a school paper on his little sister's native country. Anna Maynard, 8, braved the round of shots and went with her parents to bring home sister, Erika (who asked to change her name from Tsedalech.)
The trip left an impression on the American-born girl.
"It is a beautiful place with beautiful people and good food," Linda Maynard recalled her older daughter telling her of her impressions. "There will be a piece of my heart there always."
"This experience has shown me that we underestimate the abilities of our children," said Maynard, who said it took Erika about three months to learn English.
All the girls came home underweight, tiny, with various health problems and shaved heads, to deter lice. Ringworm, dental issues, other concerns were dealt with.
In time, the families figured out that their "3-year-old" daughters might actually be a bit older.
Marin grew six inches and gained 17 pounds; Erika sprouted up four inches and gained 13 pounds, prompting the Cushens and Maynards to approximate their daughters' ages at about 6 or older. For schooling purposes, they settled on saying Marin and Erika are 5 and Emebet is 4.
ANS and the community have been supportive of the girls. When going through the adoption process, the parents heard horror stories, were warned that some people might object to the adoption or voice negative comments.
"We were prepared for the worst," Cushen said.
It didn't happen.
"Everybody welcomes these kids," Donnelly said. "The school and community have been so amazing."
The most difficult part of adjusting to raising a child from another race is, really, hair care.
"But in any family, you can have a bunch of people with different types of hair," said Cushen, who added that African-American friends have given the moms advice on the hair question and the girls themselves have voiced their preferences, not only on hairstyles, but other choices, like clothes.
"Marin knows what she likes and when it's, ‘Uh, Mommy? No'," Cushen said.
Maynard, who always wanted to adopt, encourages people interested in starting a family or adding to one to look into the option.
"Don't be afraid of it," she said. "Research it. Go to an orientation. We knew at the end of it, without a doubt, we wanted to do it."
Seeing the world through Erika's eyes — seeing her eyes go wide when a train went by, or listening to the first thunderous downpour is a joy.
"I thought, ‘I'm so lucky to see this happen,'" Maynard said.
