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New dads, old dads
Fathers share their experiences, expectations
Friday, June 19, 2009
 Click here to enlarge this photo Staff photo by EMILY BARNES
Vince Jackson holds his 1-month-old son, Maxwell, at their home in St. Leonard on May 28. Maxwell was born May 15.
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He'll teach you how to throw a nasty curveball and sink a fadeaway jumper. You'll learn a basic waltz or how to hold your date a little closer while standing atop his dress shoes. He's the man who teaches you how to be one, and serves as an example of whom you want to find. He's stronger than Superman, smarter than Einstein, and can totally beat up the Other Guy. He's your dad, and there's no one else quite like him.
Sunday may be their first time in the Father's Day spotlight, or they may be longtime veterans. One thing is sure — they're all special.
Early arrival
With all due respect, the doctors were wrong.
That's what La Plata residents Jon and Sarah Soule thought in mid-May, when asked about their son's due date. The experts said Joshua Thomas would greet a brand new world in early June, but the baby had other plans, and his parents knew it.
"I really don't think it's that much longer," Sarah said.
Whether it was maternal cognizance or coincidence the proud parents will never know, but shortly after noon on May 26, Joshua made his entrance at Civista Medical Center, weighing in at 8 pounds, 11 ounces, and measuring 22.5 inches.
"I'd never felt that much love so fast … for somebody I had just met," Jon said. "It was an absolute blessing to see my son. I felt so loving and protective. It's indescribable, really."
Named in honor of a late friend of Jon's, Joshua also shares his middle name with his father. Happy to curl into a sleepy ball during the day, his eyes tightly closed in determination, it's tricky at this stage to tell whom Joshua takes after, except he has his father's defined chin. Jon said his friends think his son looks like him, while Sarah's acquaintances vote in her favor. Their families say there is a mix of both in the newborn.
"If you see my baby pictures, we're very similar," Jon said proudly.
Born in Washington, D.C., and raised in Charles County, Jon is the youngest of five siblings. "I had a great role model with my father," Jon said. "He taught me to be a man. He taught me what a father is supposed to be: Hard working, dedicated to his family. He worked 20-hour days, six to seven days a week to keep food on the table. He taught me to be as good to people as you would want them to treat you."
He met Sarah, a Waldorf native, 2 1/2 years ago. At the time, they were co-workers. It was love at first sight, but only for Jon, as Sarah had a boyfriend at the time.
"She knew it wouldn't last when she saw me," Jon said with a laugh.
Fate eventually won out, and the two married at La Plata Baptist Church, where today they both serve as youth leaders.
"I've always been involved with helping out kids," Sarah said. "I love working with kids. I couldn't be away from them."
"We had talked about wanting to wait a while to have children," Jon said of their family plans. "We wanted to have some time for each other, and settle in."
While both agreed on waiting a few years to start a family, spreading the good news of a pregnancy proved to be tough to keep under wraps.
"When I first found out Sarah was pregnant, I was too happy that day and told everybody at work," Jon said with a guilty smile.
"He left no one for me to tell!" said Sarah with mock irritation.
Now that Joshua is home, Jon and Sarah are adjusting their schedules, and making the rounds with their family's newest addition. Jon is back at work, and Sarah is home to care for her son during the day.
The proud parents say their son is friendly with whoever holds him, and is generally a happy baby.
"There were two pretty rough nights a little bit ago, but he's fun," Jon said, "I'm excited about having a son. I've got a boy to raise, just like my father raised me. He's going to learn to play football, go fishing, shooting and play Frisbee. August means preseason football. He's gotta learn early that Peyton Manning is the man, and Tom Brady is garbage. "
For his first Father's Day, Jon said he will be spending it with family.
Paternal participant
Vince Jackson is no stranger to the halls of Calvert Memorial Hospital. As the pharmacy director for the Prince Frederick hospital, Jackson can be seen dispensing medical advice and rubbing shoulders with doctors, nurses and fellow administrators.
But one month ago, the St. Leonard resident found himself on the maternity floor of the medical center, standing proudly beside his wife, Grace, as a never-ending line of family, friends and well-wishers came to greet their newborn son, Maxwell.
"I'd put the strollers and cribs together, I'd learned the whole new language of onesies, twosies and Pampers ," Vince said. "But until you actually hold [your child] in your arms the day he's born, to have that complete, unconditional love … we're so blessed."
Maxwell Cayman Jackson was born May 15 at 12:55 p.m. He weighed a healthy 8 pounds, 9 ounces, and measured 21 inches long. Vince said Maxwell was simply a name he and his wife liked, while the name Cayman was taken from the Caribbean island where the couple married 2 1/2 years ago.
Maxwell is the first child for Vince and Grace, and the youngest of four grandchildren — which ensures spoilage, Vince said with a smile.
"We always knew we wanted to have a family," Vince said. "I wanted a daughter, and [Grace] wanted a son."
"I teach adolescents, and I know what 14-year-old girls are like," Grace said with teasing affection. "But honestly, I didn't care as long as the baby was healthy."
One of three brothers, Vince grew up in Montgomery County.
"My father always had us out doing yardwork and chores," Vince remembered. "He taught us that the harder you work for things, the more you get out of life. That's going to be the same for my little guy."
"My dad was a great role model, who taught values," Grace said. "I see a lot of those same characteristics — and more — in Vince."
Though Maxwell chose to remain fast asleep one warm May day, his parents confirm he has big brown eyes that remained open and alert for much of his birthday, as he took in his new surroundings. While chubby cheeks, a shock of dark hair and caramel skin are a few of the external qualities for the most recent addition to the Jackson family, Vince said his son is a happy baby, who only seems to fuss for the typical infantile crises: dirty diapers or an empty tummy.
"Everyone's got different [baby] stories," Vince said. "Every parent needs to do this on their own, and take care of what their baby needs. But definitely get some sleep before your baby is born."
Their family room is loaded with all manner of baby gear: Rockers, car seat and a hybrid stroller/playpen. All of the products were researched and assembled by Vince, a job Grace was happy to concede.
Besides acting as the paternal handyman, Grace said her husband is already fulfilling her wish for him to be a father who contributes and feels needed.
During birthing classes taken through the hospital, Grace said she learned some fathers can feel left out of the care of newborns. Quiet moments between a child and mother, such as breast feeding, can leave a father finding it difficult to get as intimately involved.
"There are so many opportunities where fathers can help, and Vince will do even the littlest thing, like watching Max when I go into the shower," Grace said. "That's a luxury. And he's a wonder with diaper changing."
And how will this first-time father be spending the day dedicated to dads?
Grace reports that most likely the threesome will be spending time at home with family, including the second youngest grandchild.
One for the team
Unlike Jon Soule and Vince Jackson, Scott Stuart's excitement stems not from the novelty of being a first-time parent, but rather from the anticipation that comes as a father welcomes a son for the first time in his 22 years of raising children.
The new arrival — due in September — will be the little brother to six sisters.
"I think it's going to be wonderful. Everyone is excited," Scott said. "We joked around when we were getting married, about having a house with lots of kids, but we didn't think much about it. God apparently had other plans."
"We make jokes that his sister ‘cursed' us with daughters, but daughters have made him into such a good [father]," said Scott's wife, Suzanne, with a laugh. "We're going to name [the new baby] after Scott, if I get my way. But everybody gets a vote."
Scott and Suzanne have been married 25 years. Three years into their nuptials, the couple learned that Suzanne was pregnant with their first child, Hailey.
"It was great news," Scott remembered. "I was thrilled."
After Hailey came Sarah, then Savannah, Kimberlyn, Lainie and Lorelei. They are 22, 20, 15, 10, 8, respectively, and Lorelei will be 5 this month. "It's like a slumber party, every night!" Suzanne said.
"The wonderful thing is that my wife and kids have taught me what love is, and how to love," Scott said.
Born in Key West, Fla., Scott had one sister and two brothers to keep him company growing up. His father worked for the U.S. Navy, which meant the Stuart clan was frequently on the move. "Our family was our community," Scott said.
Like his father, Scott works for the Navy in the Explosive Disposal Ordnance Technology Division in Indian Head. He and his family live in King George County, Va.
He is also a deacon at St. Ignatius Catholic Church in Port Tobacco. While his wife converted in high school, it wasn't until after Scott had his first two daughters that he, too, became a Catholic. "We're all faced with life experiences, and there are choices you have to make," Scott said. "My wife and I wanted our lives to be a ‘yes.'''
Scott started his journey to become a deacon in 2003. The process takes five years. Whether it was divine intervention or coincidence is debatable, but when the Stuart family moved to the area, they took a detour to see some of the sights. Their first stop: St. Ignatius.
And while the Stuart family looks forward to the joys of a newborn, the planning and preparation also has a bittersweet element. At the start of the month, Scott began his first round of chemotherapy treatments for a brain tumor.
A "slow grower," as his wife refers to it, the tumor caused Scott to have a seizure earlier this year. In January, Scott learned of his son's conception. During the Easter holiday was when the grim results came in about the cancer. "I don't believe in coincidences," Scott said.
"He's been such a rock," Suzanne said. "Scott makes all this manageable. If you can stick to your guns and trust in God, he takes care of you if you can do it."
Suzanne said the church community has supported her family with prayers, food donations and easy access to babysitters. "We feel really loved. It's keeping us solid," Suzanne said. "I didn't know other people could give us so much."
"So many people have been so extraordinary and supportive," Scott said. "We're so blessed with a community like ours. We have friends we didn't know we had."
Despite the heartache and fatigue that comes with a serious illness, Scott and Suzanne refuse to shift their focus off their family. "I want him to be a man like his dad," Suzanne said, of her hopes for her son.
As for advice for fellow fathers to be — or recently blessed dads — Scott's is simple. "Love your children, your wife, and spend time with your family. The treasures God gives us are not always money and wealth."
