Spectacular special effects cannot rescue ‘G.I. Joe' film

Friday, Aug. 28, 2009

Click here to enlarge this photo Frank Masi/Paramount Pictures The G.I. Joe team's formidable ninja Snake Eyes (Ray Park) engages in a martial arts battle in "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra." E-Mail This Article | Print This Story

If Michael Bay did anything remotely right this year it was making "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" so terrible that anything by comparison seems not nearly as awful. Everyone involved with "G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra" should send Bay a huge thank you note.

If the marketing suits at Paramount Pictures need a catchy slogan, I might suggest, "G.I. Joe: at least it's not Transformers."

The Joes are a group of soldiers from around the world who are trying to stop an arms dealer, McCullen (Christopher Eccleston, "Heroes"), from unleashing a weapon that will bring the world to its knees.

Since they have some history with one of McCullen's agents, soldiers Duke (Channing Tatum, "Public Enemies") and Ripcord (Marlon Wayans, "Dance Flick") get to join the group.

We only need to pay attention to Scarlett (Rachel Nichols, "Star Trek") Heavy Duty (Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, "Lost"), Snake-Eyes, (Ray Park, "X-Men") and Breaker (Said Taghmaoui, "Lost").

The movie would have been so much better as "Cyber-Soldiers," since there's very little true to the 1980s toy line/cartoon. To throw a few bones to the Joe fan base, screenwriters Stuart Beattie, David Elliot and Paul Lovett add in small tidbits like Breaker asking for gum, as his comic character frequently did, but these minor tips of the hat don't matter if the film doesn't capture the spirit of the core material.

Attention costume designers: Just because it worked for Neo and company doesn't mean every action star/superhero needs to be clad in black leather as if they're appearing in the next installment of "The Matrix." Come up with something that every other unoriginal designer will be copying for years instead.

Much like "Transformers," the action is pretty much the sole saving grace. Special effects are spectacular.

Unlike many of his action movie contemporaries, Sommers understands that action movies work best when you can actually see the action. He doesn't waste time with a bunch of spastic quick clips, and he lets the action unfold without getting in the way.

For a property where the cartoon characters could never hit anything, there's a surprising amount of violence, as characters get ninja stars thrown at their eyes and get gutted by knives and swords.

That's not a bad thing in this case, but it made me wonder how much better this film could have been with less emphasis on making the Joes superheroes than more highly trained soldiers.

It would have made for an excellent G.I. Joe movie instead of the generic action flick we got in its place.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Action. Rated: PG13. Length: 118 minutes. Director: Stephen Sommers. Cast: Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans Rachel Nichols, Sienna Miller, Byung-hun Lee, Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje, Christopher Eccleston, Ray Park, Dennis Quaid, Said Taghmaoui, Arnold Vosloo