Tree-climbing cats only one peril of Christmas

NEWS OF NOTE

Friday, Nov. 27, 2009

Ah, the holidays: The good food and drink, the presents, the cat from hell attacking the tree every year.

Actually, that cat from hell thing rotates among the feline crowd at Chez Davis, and, offhand, while I remember a few tinsel-batting incidents and some minor tree-scaling, I can't recall a full-on, ornament-breaking, light bulb shattering disaster. But Pearl, The Scourge of the Vertical Surfaces, was young last year, and I'm sure, given her proclivities, that one is in our future. I'll keep you posted.

The Worthless Dogs once knocked the tree over. Apparently the water in their designated bowl didn't have the evergreen savor that the tree-stand vintage had, and, being as clumsy as … something very clumsy indeed, over it came. They did look abashed and slunk around in paroxysms of guilt for the statutory 30 seconds or so. Then they asked to be let outside and ate something disgusting.

Looking back over the years, in fact, it's dogs that have contributed more to my store of stand-out holiday memories than cats, or drunken cousins or culinary disasters for that matter.

One Christmas, back in the dim, ancient days before tweeting meant anything other than birdsong, my mother ran out of refrigerator space and had to store some of her blisteringly powerful eggnog outdoors after her annual Christmas blowout. Now, this stuff is made of a dozen eggs, a quart or so of cream, some sugar, and, if memory serves me right, a quart each of rum and bourbon and a pint of cognac, dusted lightly with nutmeg and cinnamon. It is the stealthiest potion for unwitting drunkenness ever, except maybe for the margarita, tasting pleasantly like ice cream, and packing a grain-alcohol wallop. Under its influence a staid and elderly neighbor nearly committed a grave indiscretion after mistaking the closet for the rest room one year.

You see where this is going. Hilary, our, at the time, aged basset hound, found the scrumptious vessel and got about a fourth of the way down it before being discovered with a bemused expression on her face and a telltale froth about her lips and muzzle. The only thing funnier than a drunk basset hound (lurching in tight circles, moaning slightly and seriously alarmed at the new motion of the Earth) is a hungover basset hound (grimly slurping gallons of water, growling at everything and seriously alarmed at the new brightness of the Earth). Our vet, once he stopped laughing, told us to keep an eye on her and stay out of her way. She recovered well, but shied at the smell of nutmeg for a time afterwards.

Buck, our large and boisterous Doberman pinscher, once scarfed down three-fourths of a roasted chicken we were planning to make last well into the festive season, back in the days when a largish roaster cost a significant portion of our weekly take-home. We waited for the digestive explosion, but he was not fazed one bit, except that he slept rather more heavily for the next few days.

Hopefully, in the coming Christmas season, we can keep Pearl out of the tree (or at least out of the top of the tree) and keep the Worthless Dogs away from the liquor or any other poisons, such as those being collected in the event discussed (yes, dear readers, both of you know a truly toxic segue has arrived) in the item below.

Household hazardous waste collection scheduled

The final Charles County household hazardous waste collection day for 2009 will be 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. Dec. 5 at the county landfill on Billingsley Road East between Piney Church Road and Route 5 in Waldorf.

Items accepted free of charge include pesticides, herbicides, fertilizer, gasoline, motor oil, antifreeze, paint, cleaning supplies, pool chemicals, batteries, expired prescription drugs and other poisons. Please keep the materials in their original containers whenever possible, and bring them to the collection site in cardboard boxes to ease unloading. Household hazardous waste collection will resume in April.

For more information, call 301-932-3599 or 301-870-2778, or 301-932-5656.